When the pregnancy test is positive, your attitude is meant
to be too. You think that all your
emotions are meant to be joy, excitement and pride. But it is normal to feel
nervousness, anxiety, uncertainty and even, perhaps, a looming sense of dread.
photo credit: cafemama
You look at the world around you, and all its imperfections
and you wonder what you’ve done bringing a new soul into it to suffer amidst
the mess you and the generations before you created.
But don’t forget the wonder, either, and the beauty of this
world. There are amazing problems to be solved and incredible solutions to be
found and you can teach your child to be part of that. You can show him or her
what has already been done, what creations of nature and man make our lives
mysterious, mythical and powerful.
In the end though, as much as it may surprise you at times,
your child is one among billions and while he will matter very strongly to you,
it is quite likely she will not change the world or even you, that much. But
she will grow and affect the people around her. And you can make sure he does
that in positive ways with the right attitude and guidance.
Now, before your child has entered the world, you may fear
you won’t love him enough. Or you may feel you cannot love her more deeply. But
don’t fall too far in love too fast, before you’ve even met your child. She
will change. He will not be what you expect. If you fall in love with the idea of
your child and the future you’ve created in your mind, you will find yourself
disappointed, and surprised, when that child starts to walk and talk and grow
into an individual. Let your heart flex protectively around her, but never
encase him. And don’t worry, the love comes, naturally, as you spend time
together. It comes in heart-pounding moments of clarity and it comes softly and
quietly overnight.
And never place conditions upon your love. All children lie
and steal and say and do hateful things at some points in their lives. Accept
that these will happen: that they’ll make the same mistakes over and over
again; that you will butt heads on those some matters time and again.
Understand that your child is not just your child, but a person, developing and
growing personal ambition and ideals. You can’t force your child to be what you
believe him to be. You can only believe in what she is. No child of yours may
do those things, but the child will not be yours; he will be his own person.
You’re not perfect and you know that for a fact. But your
child doesn’t. Let her down gently. Let him believe you are a better person
than you are. It’s not your responsibility to disappoint them or sway them from
their disillusions of beauty and perfection. Your son will believe you are the
strongest, smartest, prettiest parent. Your daughter will believe you are the
world’s best, the most fun, the most loved. Let them. Believe it yourself for a
while, even. Because in his eyes you will be. And she will always remember that
time of innocent perfection fondly. I’m not saying pretend you are better than
you are; I’m just telling you to be the best you can be and let your child see
that more often than your worst, far more often. No child needs a harsh dose of
reality, just a strong dose of love.
You might think your biggest job is to provide for him. But
it isn’t. The fact is, if you fail in that others will be there to hold her up.
Your biggest job is to love and protect; to be a safe harbour; to allow him to
grow; to let her experience magic; to hold him when he cries; to dance with her
even when the music isn’t playing; to rock them in the rhythm of your love and
life.
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